Tuesday, April 27, 2010


PRIDE # 5 last night...

The topic was building and strengthening family relationships. Each week there is a different main instructor that leads the class, a foster mom and a wonderful woman who is adopted and has adopted 2 sons. We spent the 1st hour of the class going over what our home study will be like, any questions we had regarding it, and the whole approval process. The foster Mom shared the life books she created for her foster children...I almost cried looking through these life books she created. She and her DH gave these children such a wonderful life, they take trips down south, they have a cottage...she really is an inspiration for these children. It made me happy seeing that she gave these children a happy part of their life.

We also spoke about concerns we have regarding the home study, and one of the leaders brought up their Anxiety disorder. I thought, thank god someone has gone through this; I was worried since I have had anxiety and panic attacks my whole life. I thought that there could be this rude view that I was a "head case" kind of issue, but there isn’t. Since my parents took the steps when I was young to get the help I needed and I continue it on a daily basis in my own life, that shows as a strength because I can see a problem and get help for it, like I would do with my own children. Aaron and I were very happy and relieved to hear that. It was a worry in the back of my head that can be put to rest now :)

We also spoke about starting our profiles; we are sooooo excited about that. A profile is kind of like an "autobiography" of Aaron and I. It would include the following sections:

*About us *Our hobbies/interests *Our views on adoption *Our views on parenting/discipline *ETC...

Since we have to have multiple copies it was suggested using a Photoshop program, or something similar - we may need to print off 25 copies for them to hand out to agencies and they do not want us spending a fortune...I can not wait to start that process...I love doing things like this.
I spoke to the adoptive mother in class and she offered to help us, since she has done this for her family twice and she said to include photos of us camping, our family friends etc. I think Aaron is most excited to put his fishing pictures in there...lol...the adoptive mother said it is amazing what can speak to a birth mother/mother to be in her process of picking us (This would only happen if she was giving away a baby from birth)...I think I will write a letter to the birth parent explaining us and why we would be perfect and what kind of live we can provide for her/his child. Very exciting!!

As this processes gets further along, the more excited we get :)

Sunday, April 25, 2010

So...this happened this week...

A LOT happened this week.

We were asked by a "anonymous" embryo donor if we would be willing to adopt her embryos. She is not ready to part with them just yet, and after a lot of questions back and fourth with her, and Aaron we are just not there yet. We want to give IUI's another shot in the next year, hopefully this fall.

We have come to the conclusion that we will not totally take that off the table, but right now, we are not there. She is not ready to part with them yet either, so I think we made the right decision.

We are focused on PRIDE and getting further along in the adoption process. With Aaron in school, this is the best option right now. We knew when Aaron started this course and career change that TTC would take a back seat. Not to say that we stopped trying "au natural" just stopped ART and hope to pick up in the fall or early in 2011. We want to try at least a few more IUI's before we close the book on ART. We will try a few different protocols with the IUI and and maybe we will get our BFP and our prayers will be answered.
We will not try IVF for a few reasons, and we are happy and feel well informed to make that decision. It took a lot of research and soul searching to come to that conclusion.
We both feel IUI's are the best for us, and will still keep plodding away with our adoption. Hoping for a raise for Aaron to bring us back to where we were a few years back...*fingers crossed*

How ever our child comes to us, we will be blessed.

Side note - Booked the Friday June 25th off, hopefully it will be approved, and we will be heading to Montreal to see Karolyn, Emilie and JF! Woot woot!!

Friday, April 23, 2010

Changed the comments settings :)

Now anyone can post a comment...
I did this because a lot of our friends do not have a LIVE id, or whatever it is called...

Wednesday, April 21, 2010


I want to remember this feeling - 1/25/2010

Every day I am checking the mail to see if we got accepted to PRIDE training, nothing yet, but our worker told us it might be around the middle to the end of Feb. Nothing like waiting till the last minute. The classes start in March, which we are soooo hoping we will get accepted. Fingers crossed!!

Comments - Darlene Davis
(ddavis98@sympatico.ca)Tue, 26 Jan 2010 19:03:56
Hang in there, Megan, we were booked for the PRIDE training with exactly a year wait as they were supposedly fully booked, then rec'd a phone call a few months later saying we could start in a course within two weeks and the initial visit to our home was within 4 days of that phone call. Once it starts, it continues and it is an emotional whirlwind! You're doing absolutely wonderful in creating such a support system and outlet to share your story through this website! So many of us can relate and, thankfully, offer you some encouragement knowing there is some control of your destiny, and always a light knowing you can and will achieve your dream, you're currently on the journey discovering how it will manifest itself! I sooo needed this on my journey and know you are a blessing to many on theirs! The poem you have included touched me greatly and was a beautiful reminder I plan to print out and frame for those days when (and I thought I'd NEVER have them) I get too caught up in the moment to enjoy the dream!

I want to remember this feeling - 1/28/2010

I want to remember this feeling for the next time I am feeling down - We got accepted to PRIDE training starting March 22nd 2010!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We are FINALLY on our journey to parenthood. It is truly an amazing feeling to finally be taking a step forward!! XO to all WOOHOO!! Drinks tonight to celebrate!!!!!!!!!!

(kljessop@rogers.com)Thu, 28 Jan 2010 11:10:01
So excited for you!!!! WOOHOO!!

(kkostlivy@gmail.com)Thu, 28 Jan 2010 11:22:16
Woooooooo hooooooooooo!!! That is excellent news....I can't even begin to imagine the feeling you must have right now!!! Woooooooo hoooooooooooo!!!! This made my day!

(no email)Thu, 28 Jan 2010 11:25:29
Im beyond thrilled for you!!! :) XOXOX

(dmbuccim74@gmail.com)Thu, 28 Jan 2010 11:26:18
Hubby and I are waiting to find out if we got into the fall PRIDE training....apparently because it wasn't mandated when we did it, in order to adopt again, we have to do it again. Save all your assignments for me!

P.S. I was just told but your commenter counsellor that "there are too many exclamation points in your comment. Please remove some exclamation points and try again." Other wise there would about about fifty exclamation points after YEAH!....instead of the non excited 1

(no email)Thu, 28 Jan 2010 15:01:34
whoop whoop :)

Im so happy for you, what a great step

Your support and love are truly amazing!! 1/29/2010

I could not believe my eyes when I checked facebook, IVF.ca and our blog here with the out pouring of love, support and congrats we received from all of you. Thank you.

I spoke with the social worker today and she said for sure we are confirmed for March 22nd start date. I had to double check because so many times we have been let down and I wanted to make sure. In our 1st class - as there are 9 sessions all together - we will get our information booklet for our police check, medicals etc and soon as we hand that back we will be set up for our home study. Once the PRIDE training and SAFE home study are done, we go on the wait list to find our baby!!!

Aaron and I woke up with smiles on our faces this morning. We can finally dream again.

XO to everyone again who offered their congrats yesterday, it meant alot.

Thought this was cute - 2/2/2010

Top 10 things that have not helped us in having a baby...
10. Sex...
9. Reading books about how to have a baby...
8. Non-doubling Hcg numbers...
7. Crying, bargaining, and begging...
6. Pillows under butt...
5. Being asked "When are you going to have a baby???"
4. Doctors...
3. BBT and OPK...
2. Holding other people's babies...
1. JUST RELAXING........................... Please refrain from suggesting any of the crap listed above.

All other suggestions are welcome.

Just over a month away - 2/10/2010

and we start our PRIDE training!!

Thank god for Deedee and Capo! They have really answered alot of my questions THANK YOU LADIES
Is there anything any of you wonderful women would tell someone that has been through PRIDE and is just starting out?
1 Month and a week away YAY!

Rally in TO - 2/18/2010

Toronto, ON - February 15, 2010 - Infertility patients from across the GTA gathered at Queen's Park this morning to demand government-funded in vitro fertilization (IVF). Larger than life children's blocks on the steps of provincial legislature building spelled out the $550 million the Ontario Expert Panel on Infertility and Adoption says the province could save in long term health care and social services costs by funding IVF.

After four years of studying the issue, an election commitment and two separate government commissions in favour, the Ontario government has yet to implement it's own infertility funding promise.

In Canada, more than 350,000 couples struggle with infertility. For many, IVF is their only chance of conception. On Ontario today, couples are forced to pay out-of-pocket for IVF. By contrast, Quebec announced funding for IVF in April 2009 and Manitoba recently announced its commitment to implement funding in 2010.

"With a new provincial government budget on the horizon in March 2010, it's time to give life to Ontario's IVF funding promise, give hope to thouands of infertile couples while saving Ontario's health care system millions of dollars", says Joanne Horibe co-founder of Conceivable Dreams - The OHIP for IVF Coaltion, a group of infertility patients imploring the government to fund IVF.

The $550 million in savings reflect the costs of riskier alternatives many infertile Ontario couples are forced to implement in the absence of government funding, according to the Government's own Expert Panel on Fertility and Adoption. The Expert Panel found that these suboptimal procedures significantly increase the risk of multiple, pre-term births including triplets, quadruplets and even higher-order multiples - often with severe medical problems.

"Infertility is a serious medical condition and assisted reproduction services are necessary medical procedures - not a luxury," says Dr. Art Leader, Professor of Obstetrics, Gynecology and Endocrinology, University of Ottawa and Member of the Ontario Expert Panel on Fertility and Adoption. "healthy babies do result in healthy finances. By funding IVF the Ontario government could save on long term health care and social service costs and ensure one healthy baby is delivered at a time."

The Ontario Expert Panel's research concluded that Ontario could save $400-550 million dolars over the next 10 years, by tying public funding of IVF to more stringent criteria, limiting the number of embryos transferred and reducing the incidence of multiple births, and would see another $300-$460 million dollars in savings that would have been spent on these children over their lifetimes.

In her speech on the steps of Queen's Park this morning, Jane Evans, an infertility patients, called for the Ontario taxpayers to have their voices heard and urge government to take action on this issue,

"Patients take health health risks and stretch their finances for a chance at having a baby," said Evans. "I hope our government can step up now to protect the health and well-being of other mothers and children".

related links

www.ontario.ca/creating families


Hope no one thinks we are nuts - 2/23/2010

But we were told by a close friend of ours that having a crib set up in a room will help when the social worker comes to visit on our home study. So of course I was over the moon at the thought of being able to go back into my "happy place" and thinking of buying anything baby related for us, and not for a shower gift...and I got on facebook and a friend is giving us his crib from his daughters and the matching rocking chair.

Aaron and I discussed this at length and we do not want to jinx our chances, but why turn down this crib and rocking chair, it is a beautiful set. I find it gives us hope and something to look forward to.

27 days until PRIDE WOOHOO

Comments -
(no email)Tue, 23 Feb 2010 12:37:48
Your not crazy!!! If it helps you out do everything you can!

(redsunfire734@hotmail.com)Tue, 23 Feb 2010 14:38:48
I agree! WOOO for the crib and rocking chair!!! =)

(dmbuccim74@gmail.com)Sun, 28 Feb 2010 18:01:08
We had Adrien's entire room ready for over a year, including crib, before we even knew about him. Our social worker liked to see that we had a room ready and we included a picture in our profile because sometimes mom's and their families like to know and see where the baby they are giving up will be sleeping......If you need any help, let me know!
So excited for you! Keeping that in mind, once the room was set up, I was never able to go into it and enjoy it......some people thought we were jinxing ourselves....but we have Adrien, so I don't think we did!
Muah from your Love Bug!
In the right blog now!

Spring in our step - 3/1/2010

DH and I have done a lot of talking recently about our adoption and how exciting this next chapter in our lives will be. I always thought that I would chicken out or something silly because I wanted to be pregnant, but I have not…I get more excited as the time gets closer. I often wonder if I would still be upset if I saw newborns etc, buying the infant car seat that I would feel that pain that we have felt for the past 3 years (almost)…I have not had it in a while, maybe the adoption has given me strength to look forward. I feel at peace with our decision on how to start our, hopefully, growing family…I find myself look at toddlers more now then I did newborns and doing a lot of research on toddlers and items we should be looking at buying. I find excitement as this chapter starts. I also find myself opening up and not cringing when people at work or in daily life talk about their children. *not you ladies on this site* Watch now that I say that, something will happen and I will have a bad blog entry – but I feel good. I find myself with a spring in my step and a sunny outlook.

(no email)Mon, 01 Mar 2010 12:13:37
Oh Megan I am so glad to hear this. I can't wait to go shopping for my new nephew/neice. It will be wonderful! You are a great person and you too will make awseom parent wether it be a baby, or toddler or whatever!

(admin@ivf.ca)Wed, 03 Mar 2010 19:08:16
Glad you're feeling good about this new chapter and outlook. Adoption is a wonderful choice!

Reflections of a wonderful Mother 3/15/2010

Today marks the one year of Aaron's Gramma passing away. It was a Sunday and I told Aaron we should go and visit, as she was in the hospital again...For the year or longer leading up to Gramma's passing she was in and out of the hospital quite a bit.

That Sunday May 15th 2009, we went up for a drive to Collingwood. She was in the Collingwood Hospital. She looked to be in better spirits, had lunch with her and had a good chat. As we left we said our good-byes and our I love yous and started on the drive home. We both talked about how much better she looked this time and we never expected the call we got saying she passed away.

When we got the message to call someone back, I almost dropped the phone, because it could not be true. The amazing woman who raised my DH could not have passed away. It was a dreaded phone call from a distant relative of Aaron's who we have not spoken to in years calling to inform us "Gramma" passed away. She was not just his Gramma, she was his mother.

As Aaron and I sit here - one week away today - to starting our journey to parenthood - I think of Gramma with the utmost respect and admiration of what a wonderful job she did as a mother to him and how she played such an important role in my wonderful husbands life. Whenever Aaron talks about his childhood and all the wonderful ideas he has for our future children, Gramma is not far from the story...

As this day comes to a close, and it is not one I really want to dwell on, but thank Gramma Fern for being such a wonderful mother, and I hope I can do as good a job as she did raising Aaron. I hope to be just like her.

We love you Gramma! You were an amazing mother to Aaron, and I thank god every day for him having you in his life.

(dmbuccim@aol.com)Mon, 15 Mar 2010 18:20:27
thank you for sharing.....and you both do look super young!

(no email)Tue, 16 Mar 2010 15:29:36
You made me cry! Maybe it was exactly what I needed. It makes me happy that you got to know our Gramma and that you think so highly of her. She was a great mother - to her own children and to her grandchildren. Grandparents are special people and my Gramma was a blessing. I too thank God that she was in my life for so long.

RIP Gramma Fern.
We miss you.

A typical day - 3/17/2010

Take a look at this site somone put together, the video is amazing and puts it perfectly into words.


On the road - 3/21/2010

OMG PRIDE starts tomorrow night...Can you believe it?? It feels like just yesterday that we got the call, and I started getting teary eyed at work...it happens when in three years you finally get a glimmer of hope...Wow, I am nervous but soooo excited....we are on the journey to parenthood. WOW! Maybe our baby is out there right now...

Here is a little idea of what our training is about:

Education to prepare adoptive parents to meet the needs of adopted children is now recognized in Ontario as essential for all adoptions whether public, private or international.

PRIDE, the standardized educational program and SAFE, the homestudy assessment tool (SAFE) are used together to prepare all applicant families to foster or adopt children, allowing them wider choices for placement.

PRIDE (Parent Resources for Information, Development and Education) is a nine session course for a total of 27 hours of training that could be offered in a variety of ways, from once a week to sessions on weekends. Whenever possible, applicant participation in a PRIDE training program should be concurrent with the completion of their SAFE homestudy.

The PRIDE curriculum provides information to help prepare all adoptive parents for the responsibilities involved in raising their children and incorporates information about the following:

Adoption and child welfare systems, processes and laws
Attachment as a central issue in all adoptions
Loss issues in adoption
Impact of adoption on your own family
Child development, child management and an overview of issues specific to the needs of adopted children
The effects of neglect, lack of stimulation, abuse, institutionalization on children
Identity formation and the importance of cultural and racial awareness
The importance of connections and continuity for children
All PRIDE trainers have received comprehensive training and have been approved by the Ontario Association of Children’s Aid Societies which holds the Ontario license for PRIDE. Each session is led by co-leaders, one an adoption professional and the other an experienced adoptive or foster parent. They will address the learning needs of all group participants regardless of their specific adoption plans, as they explore their options.

PRIDE WEEK 1 - 3/23/2010

I want to try Aaron and I blogging together about this process…but he comes home a lot later then I do, and I can write on break at work and then cross post between our blogs.

So last night the drive to PRIDE I was soooo nervous. Aaron told me not to be, but I feared being late, the traffic was horrible, and it was raining as well. We got there with 10 minutes to spare J

The course so far started off slow, we heard a lot of scary statistics, saw a video and got homework! LOL…

It really was what I thought it was going to be, they try and scare you off. They said it a few times last night, if you can not handle this, maybe this is not for you. I think the only thing that is getting us through is seeing a few friends of ours that have adopted and had a wonderful outcome. Aaron and I both said during it on break – Keep thinking of Adrien Dee and Rob. I am sure the course will pick up, last night I think everyone was very nervous, including us. We had to get up and do a presentation with our group on what adoption means, and why would a child be taken into custody etc…really opens up your eyes to what some of these amazing children have had to endure and what goes on in your community.

We got the papers to start our SAFE home study, police check, medical and financial information!!!! They said it might take up to 6 months to complete, which is fine, we are used to waiting, but they also told us it could take a year or two to get into PRIDE and we got in under 5 months J Fingers crossed!

Looking forward to next week’s classes.

8 More classes to go!
(kkostlivy@videotron.ca)Tue, 23 Mar 2010 08:41:09
I am so excited for you....this is an amazing start and with your and Aaron's positivity all will come together with a beautiful gift. Thanks for sharing your journey with us.


Anne-Marie MacDonald
(anne@norconsecurity.ca)Tue, 23 Mar 2010 11:19:20
Megan -- I am so excited for you! I am in tears reading your blog! You are going to be a Mom soon! I just know it! That lucky child is going to have wonderful, warm and loving parents --> You and Aaron!

xxx Anne

(no email)Tue, 23 Mar 2010 16:22:33
Wow so exciting!!! I'm sure it will be no time and you will have a baby in your arms =) I can't wait for the phone call that a baby will be on it's way to you two!

(no email)Tue, 30 Mar 2010 14:56:59
I love that she mentions about being birth parents and although you can not get pregnant you have adapted your path to be parents another way. I think it shows that we all get caught up sometimes in our "paths" and it was a good way to remind us. You and Aaron will be parents, and be awsome parents! And we are and always be by your side!!!

(no email)Tue, 30 Mar 2010 15:40:32
Wow that does sound exciting! What a great start. I cant wait to hear how the rest of the classes go.....so exciting!

PRIDE WEEK 2 - 3/30/2010

Pride Week #2.

AMAZING – Much better then last week. We really enjoyed ourselves.

I am recounting our drive home, I really want Aaron to blog along with me as we are going through this together, but he gets home so much later then I do, and by the time we have dinner, we watch a bit of TV the evening is over. So I got his opinions after class and while driving home, as it is almost a 1 hour drive home.

We learned about attachment. We learned that our child will have a special attachment with us because we will love and nurture him/her and give him/her roots and family values that will last a life time. Just because we did not birth our child, they will love us the same because we created a stable family for them to thrive in. I think hearing that really helped our emotional states around the whole attachment issue we had in the back of our minds.

Our in class assignment was to write down our answers to a few questions…

*What is our plan for tomorrow?

*Where do we plan to be in 1 year? Who will you have by your side?

*Where do we plan to be in 5 years? Who will be by your side?

So we wrote down our heartfelt answers, and she took our papers and ripped them up! I was like WTH??? LOL

The purpose of this assignment was to show us even though we have a plan in mind, something can change that in an instant…I thought it was really nice that she mentioned, that she was sure we all thought we would be birth parents etc…and our fertility changed our path. This does not mean that we will loose our dream of having a child/family, we will just have to do it another way.

We got our reference sheet, so we picked our references and they should get a letter in the next 6 months or so.
Andrea S
(ykslugger@theedge.ca)Tue, 30 Mar 2010 13:59:08
LOL On ripping your plans up! She is so right plans have to change all the time. Praying the baby/Child meant for your arms arrives soon!

(kkostlivy@videotron.ca)Tue, 30 Mar 2010 14:52:41
How true about how plans change - huh? I am so glad to be reading this right along your journey - thanks for sharing it with us!

Been a while - 4/17/2010

I have felt the need to blog all week, and finally just got a minute to sit down and write...

PRIDE on Monday was a really good class...We spoke mostly of attachment and how a child can form attachment...Our class seems to be very quiet and not talk a lot, I think the instructors are trying to get us all a little more involved...I have never been comfortable talking in a big group, let alone with people I do not know and dealing with a sensitive subject....Our homework this week is to make a family genogram...which is like a family tree...We are supposed to write how our families have shaped us, and I think it will be harder for Aaron with his whole parental situation...

I was speaking with a very good girlfriend of mine the other day and I expressed that I was not comfortable blogging about PRIDE anymore or our IF journey, because a comment I wrote offended a few, which was not my intention...and she told me I should still blog, and if I did not want to blog, I should buy a journal to write down my thoughts and feelings because this is a journey we will only experience once and I should write down what I am feeling, kind of like when people are pregnant they keep a pregnancy journal. I think I might take her up on that idea and start a personal journal, my fear with that is, I always jump into it with great intentions and never finish the journal or keep up to date with it. Sometimes it is easier to jump on the computer and write away...maybe I just have to stop worrying what other people think of me and DH....I think that should be my new new years resolution...
Sam Cass
(no email)Sun, 18 Apr 2010 10:06:41
I say keep blogging!!! How could you offend anyone doing this? It's your own thoughts and feelings, and they must have feelings too! I think it is a good way to get a lot of feelings out, and if they don't like it they don't have to read it!! xo <3

(no email)Tue, 20 Apr 2010 13:45:26
As a regular reader of your blog and someone who is considering adoption as a way to build a family I don't think you should stop blogging. I always look forward to reading about your opinions and experiences on Adoption. This is your blog, a record of your thoughts and feelings! People always have a choice, if they don't like what you have to say, they don't have to read!
Good luck.

FINALLY Made it to Guelph 4/18/2010

It is wonderful how a few people can change your life...
When Denise and I started talking it was shortly after they adopted Adrien...I started asking her a few questions and I felt so comfortable, and it just felt right, our friendship...She came over one night to speak with DH and I about adoption and CAS...we felt empowered after meeting her and her son.
Last night we finally made it up to Guelph and got to meet her DH and her Mom...What a wonderful family. Seeing them makes Aaron and I move forward with our adoption and keep on going...They give us strength that I am not sure they know they give us.

They will always hold a special place in our hearts...They are the reason we moved forward with adoption.

Losses - PRIDE #4

FYI - We are switching our blog, which I hope to cross post from our other blog, so I have copies of all past entrys and comments...but from now on, we are posting here :)

I can not believe we are half way through our PRIDE course.

We went to PRIDE #4 on Monday. This class was about loss. It really was a good class, best one so far...we will take so much from this class, even in regular life, and put it to use.
We had a new teacher this week, and she was amazing. She is an adoption social worker. I think she really got the class involved, and acknowledged we have experienced a lot of loss as well. Biggest one, our fertility. She said "I bet you never thought you would be sitting here, you probably all thought you would get pregnant, and had a picture in your mind of what your child would look like. I felt like screaming "YES" that is us!! She brought it to our attention that the child we will adopt will be going through a loss as well, loss of his/her birth parents and the loss of his/her foster parents. We spoke about how the child could act when they are going through a loss, and it would be the same as an adult, but children do not really understand the emotions they are having, so to keep an eye on them, and we will always be able to call the agency if we have any questions.

I got to thinking about loosing the picture of Aaron's and mine child. I always had a picture in my mind of getting pregnant, giving birth, breastfeeding etc. I have to change my thinking that we will still have that family, it will just come another way. As the classes move forward, and we hand in more information for our home study, it gets more real. We even went to Babies R US on Sunday. Just to look around, see what we liked etc. It is hard, we hope to have a very young child, so what we will need will be different then what we would have bought if I gave birth. We basically went to get a good idea of how much to budget for our child. WOW. The stroller I want, Peg Skate, is $799.00. I do not think I have ever seen Aaron's eyes get so big, I think he had a mild heart attack. We also really like the Britax Stroller, and it was so nice too, looked so much like a Peg and it was $199.00, reg $249.00. It was just exciting to be able to know, this is happening, and something good will come at the end. Dreaming...it is so nice. It just made my day that Aaron and I got to share that.