Thursday, December 30, 2010
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Attached are some pics...
Megan, Aaron and Baby to be - Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network
Friday, December 24, 2010
We are having a Christmas miracle :)
Megan, Aaron and Baby to be - Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
I feel huge J
Sleeping is becoming more difficult…and painful…so are the braxton hicks contractions. They are now accompanied with pressure and pain…still all worth it.
I am starting to get nervous of the whole labour and delivery part…I wasn’t before but I guess because it is coming closer and really could be any day, as I am full term now.
They had a shower for us at work last Friday. We got a wonderful 4 in 1 Fisher Price swing/highchair/infant seat/toddler seat. We LOVE the colours, so modern. We got it all set up. Everything in fact is all set up and ready for baby A to make an appearance.
I had my OB appt yesterday, baby is in the perfect position, ready to go according to the OB. He offered to get things “stirred up” for me next Friday at my appt, but I want things to happen naturally and the baby to pick his/hers birthday…
I am concerned that Dad is out of town in LA Jan 4- 5…Nothing he can do to change it…so I will be taking is super easy those days LOL
This Friday is my last day of work – WOOHOO!! I never thought we would be in this position…not in my wildest dreams…
Monday, December 13, 2010
I am taking things to seriously these days. I just find myself upset or very emotional lately.
Here is a situation – I was walking by a girl at work and she said “are you sure you are not having twins, you are huge”
Yes, I am sure. I have had 8 U/S’s to date, I am sure someone would have told me this!!!! I am not huge, I am all baby…I have not gained anywhere else. Normally these comments would not bother me, but today they have…and late last week it started. I am blaming the hormones.
I am also sooooo tired of my words being stretched into something I did not say or even mean. I am still trying to figure out how “be careful” turned into a huge thing...
I should be used to people giving opinions, given what happened with our wedding the disaster that was created…and comments that are/were made, I normally just brush off…but like I said above, the hormones are getting to me…I know I am not perfect, and I will make mistakes, but I will do what I feel is best for my baby and family…I know people are just trying to help, but for some reason I am taking it the wrong way…and once again, I blame the hormones.
I needed to vent and this is the only way I could find to express my feelings these days.
Onto good news, we finally (I think) settled on a middle name if the baby is a girl LOL…
Friday, December 10, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Have my bag basically packed and the baby bag totally packed...soooo excited for the next chapter to start...
Megan, Aaron and Baby to be - Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Mommy & Daddy had a fun filled day yesterday hosted by your Grandma and Aunt Jessica. We celebrated your impending arrival with close family and friends. You were spoiled...and everyone loves you so much already and can't wait to meet you...but not as much as Mommy and Daddy...
I still remembers the day I found out I was pregnant - complete shock and utter excitement...we had waited for 3 years to get pregnant and finally we are finally blessed with you...I will never forget the day we had our first U/S - May 14th...tears filled our eyes as we watched you in my belly and your heart flicker away...that was hands down the best day ever ...knowing you were growing and thriving made our lives...we were so ecstatic we drove right up to Grandma's to show her your first picture...she was thrilled as well. Grandpa was on business but of course we emailed him your picture.
We had lots of U/S's and it was super exciting watching you grow inside me.
We decided not to find out your gender - I have flip flopped and am still not convinced either way if you are a boy or a girl...Daddy thinks girl...:). Be warned, if you are a girl, Daddy has huge fishing plans for you, no matter if you are a girl or a boy...his eyes sparkle when he talks about the future with you in our lives...Daddy is over the moon waiting for you...
We went on holidays for a week to Kincardine and that is when every afternoon I could feel flutters and looked forward to it...August 13th I felt your first kick...I was at work, and cried...feeling you kick and squirm makes mommy so happy and calm knowing your healthy and active...my growing belly is also another sign how well you are doing.
Today I am 34 weeks and 1 day pregnant and Daddy and I have your room all ready, lots of clothes and diapers all set. We want you to stay put as long as possible...be as big and healthy as you can!!
If I could wish anything for you right now, it would be to be healthy and happy. Healthy is the most important...we have lots of life's little lessons we will teach you and instill along the way.
Daddy and I are so looking forward to meeting you, looking into your eyes and falling more in love with our blessing. We can't wait to hold you in our arms and protect you and love you. Looking forward to bath-times, reading, Sunday family dinners, camping...so excited
Mommy is in tears just thinking how wonderful our lives are going to be with you here - finally a family we dreamed of for years...we love you beyond words...look forward to finally meeting you...xoxo love always and forever, Mommy...and Daddy
Megan, Aaron and Baby to be - Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
I was very nervous walking into this appointment today.
I saw a different OB than our regular one. He was very nice as well. He said the placenta is in a good place, no need for a c-section – but, the U/S tech noted we have a large baby and he said around 36-38 weeks I will be sent for another u/s to check the weight of our little monkey, to make sure I can birth the baby LOL – So really we did not get an answer yet…but nothing is for sure with labour and delivery…we will have to wait and see
H/B was 145 this time
Baby is wonderfully active – Love my monkey and feeling all these movements and kicks
Gained 3 lbs in the past 2 weeks, but I have been eating less, less room and not as hungry
Baby is still head down woohoo
Our shower is this Sunday – SOOOO excited to see everyone!!!
Oh yes – Still totally undecided when my last day of work will be….
Friday, November 19, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
I have a friend who is thinking of leaving “the site” due to the attitudes of others, which happened to me as well when I got my natural BFP.
I have to get this off my chest as I have been feeling it for a while now.
A blog entry from one of the women on the site said she had been through more than me so she deserved a BFP more…due to IVF…we always said from the get go, we were not sure we were willing to try IVF due to personal reasons and our unexplained IF.
Who really thinks one person over another deserves a BFP, and just because you did IVF, does not mean I do not deserve to achieve the dream we are all trying to reach. You don’t know my past, and I do not know yours…so who would I be to judge who deserves it more?
This brings me back to why I left the site. I found it was emotionally draining, and harder to be there. I changed as a person on that site, to a person I did not like. I hated being mad and upset all the time…or should I say “cranky”. I did not want to be that person anymore…yes I got my natural BFP…but I honestly think it is because I finally stopped trying and moved on. After 32 cycles I gave up thinking about sex as just as a way to get pregnant. I focused on other areas of my life and I was happier. I found the site towards the end was just bitching sessions and I did not want a part of it. I cannot forget the good parts of the site, my amazing friends that I have made and still keep in touch with.
What I am trying to say is I am much happier now that I have cleared my head of all the non-sense on the site – maybe it is because I got my BFP, maybe I would have adopted and felt the same way…Either way I am much happier now and don’t feel so down and “cranky”
And to anyone who I upset while I was suffering from IF, and my attitude towards you changed for the worse, I am sorry if I upset you…that was not my intention (Cindy xo)
Monday, November 15, 2010
She said it looks like the placenta has moved, but a final decision will be made by our OB – and our next appt will be on Nov 23rd – so we will have to wait until then – and I figure they will send me for another u/s around 36 weeks so we won’t really have a decision until then. As long as baby is healthy, that is all that matters…
Having a super emotional day, must be the hormones….
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
She didn't even let me see the baby or give me a picture...but she said the baby is 2300 grams!?!
Megan, Aaron and Baby to be - Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Might not seem big to most, but to us, this is a big appt. This U/S will decide if we need a c-section or we can have a normal delivery.
I am really hoping for a normal delivery. I want that moment of the baby being born and being placed on my chest and finding out the gender. On the other hand, I hate blood, so maybe a c-section where the drape is up, I would be okay with. I know either way, as long as our miracle gets to us healthy, I am good with. I am at peace with either at this point. I have known people that have had normal deliveries and people who have had c-sections, all have healthy babies
Excited to see how much our little one has grown.
Oh yes, and next person who says “you must be due at any time” might get a smack!! It is just the way I am carrying, I do not even look pregnant from behind
I am flip flopping on names – I think we will bring our names with us to the hospital and see what this miracle looks like!!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
It makes me feel on top of the world when I have a wonderful OB appt.
H/B was 170 again – makes me think girl, seems to go up and down – OB said because my baby is so active the h/b was up
My blood pressure was excellent
Gained 2 lbs in 2 weeks, right on target
We have our last u/s this Friday – really hoping Aaron can get the time off work – to see if the placenta moved and we can have a normal delivery, I really do not want a c-section…
The OB said we can find out the sex and weight at this appt – but we have waited this long, we will keep the sex a secret…but excited to hear the weight, Dr. Smith said about 3 lbs right now J
The baby is also still head down, DR said he/she shouldn’t move or turn around anymore – woohoo – and he/she is curled up on my left side, that is why I feel all the kicks, punches etc on my right side J
Less than 9 weeks until our EDD!!!
Sunday, November 7, 2010
We have our tour of Credit Valley L&D tomorrow night, looking forward to it, maybe it will sink in that we could be there in 9 weeks, give or take!
I am not nervous of the labour, I might change my mind once the pain hits, but right now, I am super excited and I know I have to go through labour to finally meet our miracle...still don't have a feeling either way if the baby is a girl or a boy...I keep flip flopping...
We are now on biweekly OB appts :).
Megan, Aaron and Baby to be - Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Friday, November 5, 2010
We are almost 31 weeks pregnant this Sunday!! 9 Weeks until our miracles EDD!!!!
We basically have everything ready, nursery, car seats installed, a few outfits, a BEAUTIFUL outfit from Mexx to bring the miracle home in, and diapers etc…All we need is the baby now J We are both getting so excited.
Our shower is coming up, so excited to share our joy with most of our friends and family. I have also learned who our true friends are. I was really upset my Oma wasn’t coming to our shower, as this is her first great grandchild, but when I learned a few of our close friends (thought we were close) weren’t either, that really hurt, and has taught me to take a step back, and learn who our true friends really are. It is not about the gifts, but celebrating our miracle with us…We took so long to get here…I know it might not seem like a lot to some people, but it means a lot to Aaron and I.
The baby is kicking so strong these days, it is amazing, even in the middle of the night when the little monkey wakes me up; I wake with a smile on my face. I am really enjoying my pregnancy and I think I will really miss being pregnant, I have never felt better…but sooooo excited to finally meet the little monkey and find out if it is a girl or boy
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Went to the specialst at Credit Valley Hospital which is affiliated with our OB - and we are at 3.9-4.1! PERFECT the nurse said. I was all worried I would not get answers, and right after your u/s you go see the nurse and she said it was perfect! The U/S from my 20 week one at ISIS said 2.5!! BIGGGGG difference!
Anyway, feels like we won the lottery and I am back to my happy self :) Baby is crazy active today, and that makes mommy smile!
ALSO - My Mom came with me to my u/s and she got to see the baby and the baby yawning!! So cute - Best moment :)
Monday, September 27, 2010
I know I should always trust my feelings, I should know that by now.
So the OB I saw today (team of Ob's at our ob office) asked how I was feeling, I mentioned that I have a bit of on and off tightening in my uterus, nothing horrible, just wanted to mention it. He said I see here on your 20 week U/S your cervix length is at 2.5Cm's, and 4Cm's is normal which could mean bed rest, he was going to refer for an u/s and see and my placenta is low...and he said lets listen to your baby (h/b is 129 woohoo) and he said he was going to get a referral for an u/s this week - I expecting him to come back because by then I was in tears and wanted a few questions asked...and he did not come back. The nurse came in and said your u/s is here at the hospital on Thursday at 2. I asked "is my apt over?" and she said yes...so I got up in a fog and walked out - of course, called Karolyn in a panic and K said to call the OB office and try and get an apt with my OB or get him to call me. I have left 2 messages, one with reception, and she said she is going to get the nurse to call me and I also left a message for the nurse...
At my 20 week u/s the u/s tech said everything was great...and now this?? Part of me wants to see the name on the u/s results because I have had other patients results before...and I don't trust many Dr's unfortunately.
So here I am...at home...waiting patiently, NOT GOOGLING anything...and enjoying the baby kick....
All I want is some answers...feel like I did for the past three years not having any answers...sigh....
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Here you go :)
Our fur baby :) Can't forget about her, they both got new mice today!!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Around 7 PM I started getting these horrible pains on my right side, and into my abdomen, and they got progressively worse, and it felt like I was going to be sick...so when I called L&D they said to come and and would check me out - Of course I was in tears the whole way to the hospital, in fear of loosing my miracle.
They took me in right away, hooked me up, tried to find a fetal h/b with the things they wrap around your tummy when you are in labour, but the wonderful nurse said she couldn't find it with those, not to worry because they are ment for later in your pregnancy, and she went and got a doppler, and found it right away...that was the longest 5 minutes of my life!!!!!! Tears streamed down my face when she found it.
No contractions, thank god, they think I pulled a muscle on my right side and it is a combo of that and ligament pain because of the way I am carrying...
Still in lots of pain today...took one tylenol because I could not sleep last night
Oh and I had my lovely 1st internal...cervix is closed tightly :) It was not as bad as I thought it was going to be...
Can ligament pain be this bad??
Also - On a positive note, I loved the nursing staff and the hospital...since we will be back there in Jan...no earlier...
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Both start with "A", and that is all your getting :)
We are keeping our choices a secret until that wonderful day when baby bean Harris will enter our lives and we will fall in love all over again :)
I am so looking forward to meeting our miracle and feeling that instant love connection...the next few months I hope fly by!
So it looks like everyone thinks boy, and I am one of the only ones who think we are having a girl. Aaron thinks boy too - and usually, he is right! We will see! Whatever our miracle child is, we will be over joyed!
All the items we registered for are on sale this weekend!!! Oh how I would love to go on a shopping spree...I guess that would mean getting showered today LOL
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
We started clearing out the closet in the baby's room, took us a good few hours, because you know one chore leads to another, leads to another. Next step is paint, finding that darn Beatrix Potter Fabric...and bring the crib and bookshelf/change table up :)
The baby is super active...loving every minute of it...a wonderful friend of ours dropped off a gift basket for baby to be :) Full of diapers, body wash and cream :) It was very sweet of her.
Sounds like my Sister really wants to throw a shower for me...so from what I have been told, it will happen in November...Kinda glad I know, so I can be prepared and not show up in jeans etc...lol
Aaron has felt the baby move a few times...when you can actually see my belly moving, the baby stops...and he misses it...lol
So question - Lets see what you readers think I am having...girl or boy??
Some days I feel girl, and others I feel boy, and when I had a dream...it was a boy in the car seat...should be interesting to see what you all think...>
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Nothing huge to report...the ob uped my due date to Jan 9th, but bean will come when he/she is ready. The heart beat was 155 on my last OB appt on Monday. After my next OB in 4 weeks we go to bi-weekly appts...time goes by too quickly.
I have two good friends that have been TTC for quite a while, and I wanted to send out a note saying you both are in my thoughts daily, and I hope your BFP's are around the corner...thinking of you two girls always...
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
The U/S took 1.5 hours, she said we have a very active baby, the baby would not stop moving, she was casing it around my tummy with the u/s wand LOL…she put gel on the wand about 8-10 times!!!
Aaron was sitting in the waiting room freaking out, poor Daddy, he thought something was wrong, I did not know the appt would take that long!!
When Aaron came in the room she showed us our very active baby…I felt a few more kicks as well during the u/s
I am feeling more and more kicks as the time goes on, and I am loving it!
I keep getting Aaron to feel and I *think* he felt it…but I am not 100% sure.
Onto other news, I have contacted a lawyer to put it in place that the baby’s legal guardian will be my parents. In case something happens to Aaron and I together, the baby will live with my parents, and we are having it written up that Aaron’s *parents* can’t step in and claim rights.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Aaron was outside watching the thunderstorm...hopefully it happens and he can see it....
Thursday, August 12, 2010
I am not sure if every pregnant woman gets tears in her eyes when they feel the baby move for the 1st time, I know most of my followers are people that have experienced IF…maybe we are more “sappy” when it comes to these moments, maybe not…but it was the most amazing feeling. I keep wanting it to happen again. I felt like a nudge…I ran over to my boss and said “I think I felt the baby move” and she was just as excited as I was…It happened at 12:20 today – Can’t wait to tell hubby
Monday, August 9, 2010
Dr says all is perfect!
Here is the definition of the IPS testing that we have here in Ontario:
Integrated Prenatal Screening (IPS)
This screening test combines measurements from a nuchal translucency ultrasound and two blood tests to estimate the chances of a developing baby having Down syndrome.
The IPS takes into account the measurement of the ultrasound and the level of the proteins and other substances measured in the blood tests. It then adjusts for the woman’s age and gives a numerical estimate of the chance of Down syndrome, such as 1/2000 or 1/8.
In addition, unlike the first trimester screening assessment (FTS) which also screens for Down syndrome, the IPS will determine if there is an increased chance of spina bifida.
Friday, August 6, 2010
We went for a week vacation in the RV to Kincardine…had a wonderful time…relaxed and enjoyed the beach! Pictures are on Facebook…
On Wednesday august 4th I went to the OB at Credit Valley, and I really liked him and the practice so we have chose to stick with Credit Valley. The baby kicked the Doppler again, I can’t wait to finally feel the baby move – I have been feeling flutters, more so last week because I was off and relaxing and being at work I am really busy, so I might not feel it as easy.
We have our last u/s, providing everything is going well, on August 16th. Aaron will be coming to that :)
Just found out that apparently Aaron’s “mother” found out we are pregnant – this should be interesting…only a select few in his family knew…and apparently she found out at a party down the street from us…She does not have any friends and we only speak to 2 people on our street, and I know it would not be them telling her…Her loss, not ours…
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
The doctor did the babies heart beat 1st thing, which was amazing!! 150 beats per minute…it was sooooo comforting to hear the heartbeat again! Again, I wish I had one of those machines at my house too J The baby actually kicked and I could hear it LOL it was adorable…
The problem I had today was a big one. If you have been following our story for the past 3 years you would know we went to A. Fertility. To sum it all up quickly, Dr C preformed the saline test incorrectly and told me my tubes were blocked, which in turn resulted in surgery, or IVF…we chose the surgery step first before handing over $10,000 - $15,000. After the surgery when I went for my follow up, Dr M told me my tubes were not blocked, go figure, and he gave me the WRONG PATIENTS results. I still have a copy at home. And if you have known for a long time, you know what issues that brought up from my past…
Fast forward to today…When I was going over what drs are involved with this OB office, I found out that Dr C works there, and has a 20% chance of delivering our miracle. I know she was the one that preformed an out of date test on me, that does not even confirm if you have blocked tubes, and with the whole fiasco at A. fertility…I am not sure if I want to take that chance. The nurse who was amazing, because we spoke in length about this dr and that clinic and what happened, said I could request not to see her and request one of the other 4 drs be there when we deliver.
Where does this leave me? I have an appt with the other OB I am looking at in Credit Valley hospital…so I guess we will decide then.
The nurse also urged me to contact and file a complaint against that clinic…maybe I will
Anyways…I heard the heartbeat of our miracle, and that keeps me smiling!!
Monday, July 19, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
I cried like a baby when he left, I think I almost had him in tears...I think he was rethinking going...but everything was bought and paid for...It was my decision not to go, well, kinda both of ours...with the heat and humidity, and sleeping in a tent, getting up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night... and the heat has always made me sick and get headaches...which I am battling right now...
Sunday, July 11, 2010
We ran around with the registry gun and added to our registry - have to still update it online so don't go checking it out lol
We are buying thr stroller this week - woohoo, it is so so nice...
Back to my title, Aaron said he got a lump in this throat shopping for all this baby stuff and tears in his eyes...he said he is just so happy and excited...I still can't believe we are shopping for our baby!!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Yesterday I put in "notice" that I am stepping down as mod and going to be concentrating on my natural miracle that has blessed us. I think this is for the best...time wise and stress wise.
Not that I have not loved certain parts and people on this site, this site has been a life saver in many ways. I will never forget the weekend in November when Karolyn came and we had a few meet-ups. I have made certain friendships that I hope will last a lifetime and I owe that all to IVF.ca
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Saturday, July 3, 2010
The U/S was amazing. The tech, who was SUPER nice, showed me everything about the baby, who she commented was super active :) Made me happy. The baby even waved at me :)
Our next U/S is in August I believe...Aaron will be coming to that one. I am so glad I can at least show him pictures because he can not always get the time off work.
PS - Our baby has a cute button nose :)
I will take a pic of the u/s pic and post it later on...
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Had my first meeting with our OB. She works out of our clinic, but also has her own clinic in Milton. She was so nice, and went over everything with me. She did not make me feel bad about my panic disorder either, which comforted me. I think I will switch to her, and maybe change the hospital we will give birth in. We were thinking Credit Valley, but I really like this OB and she practices out of Milton. I will discuss with Aaron tonight.
After our chat she said "Lets go hear your baby's heart beat"...soon as she picked it up, I had tears running down my cheeks. I felt pregnant again, I haven't the last few days...but she said everything is perfect.
She said I should only gain between 20-25 pounds and I agree. I am going to join a prenatal yoga class and continue our nightly walks :)
Well, I am off to do laundry and maybe sneak in a nap before Aaron gets home :)
Sooooo glad to hear the baby today :) It was a moment I will never forget...LOL...it was in the same room I had our IUI's done in.
Monday, June 14, 2010
On Sunday it was a rainy day so Mom drove down and we went to lunch with her and took her to Babies R US. I tell ya, that store is so much more fun when you are shopping for own miracle. We picked a bunch of stuff that we really like and got an idea of what we will be spending for our miracle.
I have my appt at our fertility clinic again on the 22nd of June, with our interim OB until we get to our official OB. We will be doing the IPS testing the week after June 22nd. Our 1st OB appt is on August 3rd.
Have I said how much I am in love with my bean…and so enjoying every minute of being pregnant…??
Pics to follow...
Thursday, June 10, 2010
I feel I can no longer blog there about my miracle pregnancy, so I will only be blogging here.
Yesterday there was a blow up on the boards, a rude person thinks pregnant people do not belong on the site because it is not called pregnancy.ca. So to avoid all stress, I am only blogging here from now on. It really hurt me because I have done nothing but support everyone on that board, and I have made such amazing friendships because of IVF.ca...it is too bad one rotten apple spoils it for many. Really sad how IF can turn a person.
AFM - Feeling much better - still not 100% at night, but it is so worth it.
I am usually in mat clothes now :) So exciting!!
Mom has gone wild buying baby stuff...I have a feeling she has a new hobby now LOL
Anyways...hope you all continue to follow me here.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
U/S was perfect! Our DR said "super" and that pregnancy suits me Felt good after that. 2 arms, 2 legs...and the bean looks like a baby now!! I think that helped make it feel more real.
I got in the car on the way home and cried...since I updated FB from the parking lot and sent close friends emails and the response I got made me cry...we are so loved and this baby is so loved and wanted, it made me feel so blessed.
Here is the most recent pic of our natural miracle surprise :)
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
So today I was shopping in Winners, I have had my eye on this outfit for a while, I find it gender netural, since we will not be finding out the sex of the baby...so I finally felt comfortable enough to buy it :) I never thought I would be buying my own baby gifts :) it is so amazing!! My Oma - Babys great Oma sent money for the baby :)
June 8th is our next U/S and OB appt :)
Can you tell we are stupid excited??
Friday, May 28, 2010
A few things have happened in the last few weeks. Today I am 7 weeks 5 days along. We had our 2nd U/S on Wed, watching that heart flicker away was the most breath taking thing I have ever seen. The bean actually looks more and more like a bean as time goes on.
We have one more U/S in two weeks, and then the next one will be for our IPS testing…For the friends that read this, what should I expect?
The morning sickness seems to have left *knock on wood* – woohoo – that week was horrible :( The acne though really likes to stick around LOL…Hoping that goes away after the three month mark too. I always thought I would embrace morning sickness and be happy to feel like crap because at least I am pregnant – not so much. I realized I should not have judged until you are in that position. I tried to keep a smile on my face but it is hard when you feel like crap 24/7…But I know I am blessed…just kept telling myself that this is a good thing. Apparently a study done by the Sick Kids Hospital in TO did a study, the more morning sickness you have the smarter the baby :)
Monday, May 17, 2010
Granola really seems to be the only thing I can eat during the AM.
Tonight is plain pasta with a little cheese...the only thing that sounds appetizing to me now :)
Glad I have so many friends who have been through this to help me along :)
XX to my miracle bean
Friday, May 14, 2010
I cried out for Aaron who was still in bed because we were both going to work that morning, and I got up early to test. We both shared a moment that I will never forget - 3 years and we finally saw TWO pink lines. We both had a short kiss and OMG we are going to be parents moment and went off to work...I was in a daze of happiness that day, as was Aaron. We kind of wanted to get a bottle of champange to toast, but thought that might be a bad idea ;)
So fast forward to today...
We are in such amazment of our miracle...life could not be better :)
More updates to follow...
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
The topic was building and strengthening family relationships. Each week there is a different main instructor that leads the class, a foster mom and a wonderful woman who is adopted and has adopted 2 sons. We spent the 1st hour of the class going over what our home study will be like, any questions we had regarding it, and the whole approval process. The foster Mom shared the life books she created for her foster children...I almost cried looking through these life books she created. She and her DH gave these children such a wonderful life, they take trips down south, they have a cottage...she really is an inspiration for these children. It made me happy seeing that she gave these children a happy part of their life.
We also spoke about concerns we have regarding the home study, and one of the leaders brought up their Anxiety disorder. I thought, thank god someone has gone through this; I was worried since I have had anxiety and panic attacks my whole life. I thought that there could be this rude view that I was a "head case" kind of issue, but there isn’t. Since my parents took the steps when I was young to get the help I needed and I continue it on a daily basis in my own life, that shows as a strength because I can see a problem and get help for it, like I would do with my own children. Aaron and I were very happy and relieved to hear that. It was a worry in the back of my head that can be put to rest now :)
We also spoke about starting our profiles; we are sooooo excited about that. A profile is kind of like an "autobiography" of Aaron and I. It would include the following sections:
*About us *Our hobbies/interests *Our views on adoption *Our views on parenting/discipline *ETC...
Since we have to have multiple copies it was suggested using a Photoshop program, or something similar - we may need to print off 25 copies for them to hand out to agencies and they do not want us spending a fortune...I can not wait to start that process...I love doing things like this.
I spoke to the adoptive mother in class and she offered to help us, since she has done this for her family twice and she said to include photos of us camping, our family friends etc. I think Aaron is most excited to put his fishing pictures in there...lol...the adoptive mother said it is amazing what can speak to a birth mother/mother to be in her process of picking us (This would only happen if she was giving away a baby from birth)...I think I will write a letter to the birth parent explaining us and why we would be perfect and what kind of live we can provide for her/his child. Very exciting!!
As this processes gets further along, the more excited we get :)
Sunday, April 25, 2010
We were asked by a "anonymous" embryo donor if we would be willing to adopt her embryos. She is not ready to part with them just yet, and after a lot of questions back and fourth with her, and Aaron we are just not there yet. We want to give IUI's another shot in the next year, hopefully this fall.
We have come to the conclusion that we will not totally take that off the table, but right now, we are not there. She is not ready to part with them yet either, so I think we made the right decision.
We are focused on PRIDE and getting further along in the adoption process. With Aaron in school, this is the best option right now. We knew when Aaron started this course and career change that TTC would take a back seat. Not to say that we stopped trying "au natural" just stopped ART and hope to pick up in the fall or early in 2011. We want to try at least a few more IUI's before we close the book on ART. We will try a few different protocols with the IUI and and maybe we will get our BFP and our prayers will be answered.
We will not try IVF for a few reasons, and we are happy and feel well informed to make that decision. It took a lot of research and soul searching to come to that conclusion.
We both feel IUI's are the best for us, and will still keep plodding away with our adoption. Hoping for a raise for Aaron to bring us back to where we were a few years back...*fingers crossed*
How ever our child comes to us, we will be blessed.
Side note - Booked the Friday June 25th off, hopefully it will be approved, and we will be heading to Montreal to see Karolyn, Emilie and JF! Woot woot!!
Friday, April 23, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
I want to remember this feeling - 1/25/2010
Every day I am checking the mail to see if we got accepted to PRIDE training, nothing yet, but our worker told us it might be around the middle to the end of Feb. Nothing like waiting till the last minute. The classes start in March, which we are soooo hoping we will get accepted. Fingers crossed!!
Comments - Darlene Davis
(firstname.lastname@example.org)Tue, 26 Jan 2010 19:03:56
Hang in there, Megan, we were booked for the PRIDE training with exactly a year wait as they were supposedly fully booked, then rec'd a phone call a few months later saying we could start in a course within two weeks and the initial visit to our home was within 4 days of that phone call. Once it starts, it continues and it is an emotional whirlwind! You're doing absolutely wonderful in creating such a support system and outlet to share your story through this website! So many of us can relate and, thankfully, offer you some encouragement knowing there is some control of your destiny, and always a light knowing you can and will achieve your dream, you're currently on the journey discovering how it will manifest itself! I sooo needed this on my journey and know you are a blessing to many on theirs! The poem you have included touched me greatly and was a beautiful reminder I plan to print out and frame for those days when (and I thought I'd NEVER have them) I get too caught up in the moment to enjoy the dream!
I want to remember this feeling - 1/28/2010
I want to remember this feeling for the next time I am feeling down - We got accepted to PRIDE training starting March 22nd 2010!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We are FINALLY on our journey to parenthood. It is truly an amazing feeling to finally be taking a step forward!! XO to all WOOHOO!! Drinks tonight to celebrate!!!!!!!!!!
(email@example.com)Thu, 28 Jan 2010 11:10:01
So excited for you!!!! WOOHOO!!
(firstname.lastname@example.org)Thu, 28 Jan 2010 11:22:16
Woooooooo hooooooooooo!!! That is excellent news....I can't even begin to imagine the feeling you must have right now!!! Woooooooo hoooooooooooo!!!! This made my day!
(no email)Thu, 28 Jan 2010 11:25:29
Im beyond thrilled for you!!! :) XOXOX
(email@example.com)Thu, 28 Jan 2010 11:26:18
Hubby and I are waiting to find out if we got into the fall PRIDE training....apparently because it wasn't mandated when we did it, in order to adopt again, we have to do it again. Save all your assignments for me!
P.S. I was just told but your commenter counsellor that "there are too many exclamation points in your comment. Please remove some exclamation points and try again." Other wise there would about about fifty exclamation points after YEAH!....instead of the non excited 1
(no email)Thu, 28 Jan 2010 15:01:34
whoop whoop :)
Im so happy for you, what a great step
Your support and love are truly amazing!! 1/29/2010
I could not believe my eyes when I checked facebook, IVF.ca and our blog here with the out pouring of love, support and congrats we received from all of you. Thank you.
I spoke with the social worker today and she said for sure we are confirmed for March 22nd start date. I had to double check because so many times we have been let down and I wanted to make sure. In our 1st class - as there are 9 sessions all together - we will get our information booklet for our police check, medicals etc and soon as we hand that back we will be set up for our home study. Once the PRIDE training and SAFE home study are done, we go on the wait list to find our baby!!!
Aaron and I woke up with smiles on our faces this morning. We can finally dream again.
XO to everyone again who offered their congrats yesterday, it meant alot.
Thought this was cute - 2/2/2010
Top 10 things that have not helped us in having a baby...
9. Reading books about how to have a baby...
8. Non-doubling Hcg numbers...
7. Crying, bargaining, and begging...
6. Pillows under butt...
5. Being asked "When are you going to have a baby???"
3. BBT and OPK...
2. Holding other people's babies...
1. JUST RELAXING........................... Please refrain from suggesting any of the crap listed above.
All other suggestions are welcome.
Just over a month away - 2/10/2010
and we start our PRIDE training!!
Thank god for Deedee and Capo! They have really answered alot of my questions THANK YOU LADIES
Is there anything any of you wonderful women would tell someone that has been through PRIDE and is just starting out?
1 Month and a week away YAY!
Rally in TO - 2/18/2010
Toronto, ON - February 15, 2010 - Infertility patients from across the GTA gathered at Queen's Park this morning to demand government-funded in vitro fertilization (IVF). Larger than life children's blocks on the steps of provincial legislature building spelled out the $550 million the Ontario Expert Panel on Infertility and Adoption says the province could save in long term health care and social services costs by funding IVF.
After four years of studying the issue, an election commitment and two separate government commissions in favour, the Ontario government has yet to implement it's own infertility funding promise.
In Canada, more than 350,000 couples struggle with infertility. For many, IVF is their only chance of conception. On Ontario today, couples are forced to pay out-of-pocket for IVF. By contrast, Quebec announced funding for IVF in April 2009 and Manitoba recently announced its commitment to implement funding in 2010.
"With a new provincial government budget on the horizon in March 2010, it's time to give life to Ontario's IVF funding promise, give hope to thouands of infertile couples while saving Ontario's health care system millions of dollars", says Joanne Horibe co-founder of Conceivable Dreams - The OHIP for IVF Coaltion, a group of infertility patients imploring the government to fund IVF.
The $550 million in savings reflect the costs of riskier alternatives many infertile Ontario couples are forced to implement in the absence of government funding, according to the Government's own Expert Panel on Fertility and Adoption. The Expert Panel found that these suboptimal procedures significantly increase the risk of multiple, pre-term births including triplets, quadruplets and even higher-order multiples - often with severe medical problems.
"Infertility is a serious medical condition and assisted reproduction services are necessary medical procedures - not a luxury," says Dr. Art Leader, Professor of Obstetrics, Gynecology and Endocrinology, University of Ottawa and Member of the Ontario Expert Panel on Fertility and Adoption. "healthy babies do result in healthy finances. By funding IVF the Ontario government could save on long term health care and social service costs and ensure one healthy baby is delivered at a time."
The Ontario Expert Panel's research concluded that Ontario could save $400-550 million dolars over the next 10 years, by tying public funding of IVF to more stringent criteria, limiting the number of embryos transferred and reducing the incidence of multiple births, and would see another $300-$460 million dollars in savings that would have been spent on these children over their lifetimes.
In her speech on the steps of Queen's Park this morning, Jane Evans, an infertility patients, called for the Ontario taxpayers to have their voices heard and urge government to take action on this issue,
"Patients take health health risks and stretch their finances for a chance at having a baby," said Evans. "I hope our government can step up now to protect the health and well-being of other mothers and children".
Hope no one thinks we are nuts - 2/23/2010
But we were told by a close friend of ours that having a crib set up in a room will help when the social worker comes to visit on our home study. So of course I was over the moon at the thought of being able to go back into my "happy place" and thinking of buying anything baby related for us, and not for a shower gift...and I got on facebook and a friend is giving us his crib from his daughters and the matching rocking chair.
Aaron and I discussed this at length and we do not want to jinx our chances, but why turn down this crib and rocking chair, it is a beautiful set. I find it gives us hope and something to look forward to.
27 days until PRIDE WOOHOO
(no email)Tue, 23 Feb 2010 12:37:48
Your not crazy!!! If it helps you out do everything you can!
(firstname.lastname@example.org)Tue, 23 Feb 2010 14:38:48
I agree! WOOO for the crib and rocking chair!!! =)
(email@example.com)Sun, 28 Feb 2010 18:01:08
We had Adrien's entire room ready for over a year, including crib, before we even knew about him. Our social worker liked to see that we had a room ready and we included a picture in our profile because sometimes mom's and their families like to know and see where the baby they are giving up will be sleeping......If you need any help, let me know!
So excited for you! Keeping that in mind, once the room was set up, I was never able to go into it and enjoy it......some people thought we were jinxing ourselves....but we have Adrien, so I don't think we did!
Muah from your Love Bug!
In the right blog now!
Spring in our step - 3/1/2010
DH and I have done a lot of talking recently about our adoption and how exciting this next chapter in our lives will be. I always thought that I would chicken out or something silly because I wanted to be pregnant, but I have not…I get more excited as the time gets closer. I often wonder if I would still be upset if I saw newborns etc, buying the infant car seat that I would feel that pain that we have felt for the past 3 years (almost)…I have not had it in a while, maybe the adoption has given me strength to look forward. I feel at peace with our decision on how to start our, hopefully, growing family…I find myself look at toddlers more now then I did newborns and doing a lot of research on toddlers and items we should be looking at buying. I find excitement as this chapter starts. I also find myself opening up and not cringing when people at work or in daily life talk about their children. *not you ladies on this site* Watch now that I say that, something will happen and I will have a bad blog entry – but I feel good. I find myself with a spring in my step and a sunny outlook.
(no email)Mon, 01 Mar 2010 12:13:37
Oh Megan I am so glad to hear this. I can't wait to go shopping for my new nephew/neice. It will be wonderful! You are a great person and you too will make awseom parent wether it be a baby, or toddler or whatever!
(firstname.lastname@example.org)Wed, 03 Mar 2010 19:08:16
Glad you're feeling good about this new chapter and outlook. Adoption is a wonderful choice!
Reflections of a wonderful Mother 3/15/2010
Today marks the one year of Aaron's Gramma passing away. It was a Sunday and I told Aaron we should go and visit, as she was in the hospital again...For the year or longer leading up to Gramma's passing she was in and out of the hospital quite a bit.
That Sunday May 15th 2009, we went up for a drive to Collingwood. She was in the Collingwood Hospital. She looked to be in better spirits, had lunch with her and had a good chat. As we left we said our good-byes and our I love yous and started on the drive home. We both talked about how much better she looked this time and we never expected the call we got saying she passed away.
When we got the message to call someone back, I almost dropped the phone, because it could not be true. The amazing woman who raised my DH could not have passed away. It was a dreaded phone call from a distant relative of Aaron's who we have not spoken to in years calling to inform us "Gramma" passed away. She was not just his Gramma, she was his mother.
As Aaron and I sit here - one week away today - to starting our journey to parenthood - I think of Gramma with the utmost respect and admiration of what a wonderful job she did as a mother to him and how she played such an important role in my wonderful husbands life. Whenever Aaron talks about his childhood and all the wonderful ideas he has for our future children, Gramma is not far from the story...
As this day comes to a close, and it is not one I really want to dwell on, but thank Gramma Fern for being such a wonderful mother, and I hope I can do as good a job as she did raising Aaron. I hope to be just like her.
We love you Gramma! You were an amazing mother to Aaron, and I thank god every day for him having you in his life.
(email@example.com)Mon, 15 Mar 2010 18:20:27
thank you for sharing.....and you both do look super young!
(no email)Tue, 16 Mar 2010 15:29:36
You made me cry! Maybe it was exactly what I needed. It makes me happy that you got to know our Gramma and that you think so highly of her. She was a great mother - to her own children and to her grandchildren. Grandparents are special people and my Gramma was a blessing. I too thank God that she was in my life for so long.
RIP Gramma Fern.
We miss you.
A typical day - 3/17/2010
Take a look at this site somone put together, the video is amazing and puts it perfectly into words.
On the road - 3/21/2010
OMG PRIDE starts tomorrow night...Can you believe it?? It feels like just yesterday that we got the call, and I started getting teary eyed at work...it happens when in three years you finally get a glimmer of hope...Wow, I am nervous but soooo excited....we are on the journey to parenthood. WOW! Maybe our baby is out there right now...
Here is a little idea of what our training is about:
Education to prepare adoptive parents to meet the needs of adopted children is now recognized in Ontario as essential for all adoptions whether public, private or international.
PRIDE, the standardized educational program and SAFE, the homestudy assessment tool (SAFE) are used together to prepare all applicant families to foster or adopt children, allowing them wider choices for placement.
PRIDE (Parent Resources for Information, Development and Education) is a nine session course for a total of 27 hours of training that could be offered in a variety of ways, from once a week to sessions on weekends. Whenever possible, applicant participation in a PRIDE training program should be concurrent with the completion of their SAFE homestudy.
The PRIDE curriculum provides information to help prepare all adoptive parents for the responsibilities involved in raising their children and incorporates information about the following:
Adoption and child welfare systems, processes and laws
Attachment as a central issue in all adoptions
Loss issues in adoption
Impact of adoption on your own family
Child development, child management and an overview of issues specific to the needs of adopted children
The effects of neglect, lack of stimulation, abuse, institutionalization on children
Identity formation and the importance of cultural and racial awareness
The importance of connections and continuity for children
All PRIDE trainers have received comprehensive training and have been approved by the Ontario Association of Children’s Aid Societies which holds the Ontario license for PRIDE. Each session is led by co-leaders, one an adoption professional and the other an experienced adoptive or foster parent. They will address the learning needs of all group participants regardless of their specific adoption plans, as they explore their options.
PRIDE WEEK 1 - 3/23/2010
I want to try Aaron and I blogging together about this process…but he comes home a lot later then I do, and I can write on break at work and then cross post between our blogs.
So last night the drive to PRIDE I was soooo nervous. Aaron told me not to be, but I feared being late, the traffic was horrible, and it was raining as well. We got there with 10 minutes to spare J
The course so far started off slow, we heard a lot of scary statistics, saw a video and got homework! LOL…
It really was what I thought it was going to be, they try and scare you off. They said it a few times last night, if you can not handle this, maybe this is not for you. I think the only thing that is getting us through is seeing a few friends of ours that have adopted and had a wonderful outcome. Aaron and I both said during it on break – Keep thinking of Adrien Dee and Rob. I am sure the course will pick up, last night I think everyone was very nervous, including us. We had to get up and do a presentation with our group on what adoption means, and why would a child be taken into custody etc…really opens up your eyes to what some of these amazing children have had to endure and what goes on in your community.
We got the papers to start our SAFE home study, police check, medical and financial information!!!! They said it might take up to 6 months to complete, which is fine, we are used to waiting, but they also told us it could take a year or two to get into PRIDE and we got in under 5 months J Fingers crossed!
Looking forward to next week’s classes.
8 More classes to go!
(firstname.lastname@example.org)Tue, 23 Mar 2010 08:41:09
I am so excited for you....this is an amazing start and with your and Aaron's positivity all will come together with a beautiful gift. Thanks for sharing your journey with us.
(email@example.com)Tue, 23 Mar 2010 11:19:20
Megan -- I am so excited for you! I am in tears reading your blog! You are going to be a Mom soon! I just know it! That lucky child is going to have wonderful, warm and loving parents --> You and Aaron!
(no email)Tue, 23 Mar 2010 16:22:33
Wow so exciting!!! I'm sure it will be no time and you will have a baby in your arms =) I can't wait for the phone call that a baby will be on it's way to you two!
(no email)Tue, 30 Mar 2010 14:56:59
I love that she mentions about being birth parents and although you can not get pregnant you have adapted your path to be parents another way. I think it shows that we all get caught up sometimes in our "paths" and it was a good way to remind us. You and Aaron will be parents, and be awsome parents! And we are and always be by your side!!!
(no email)Tue, 30 Mar 2010 15:40:32
Wow that does sound exciting! What a great start. I cant wait to hear how the rest of the classes go.....so exciting!
PRIDE WEEK 2 - 3/30/2010
Pride Week #2.
AMAZING – Much better then last week. We really enjoyed ourselves.
I am recounting our drive home, I really want Aaron to blog along with me as we are going through this together, but he gets home so much later then I do, and by the time we have dinner, we watch a bit of TV the evening is over. So I got his opinions after class and while driving home, as it is almost a 1 hour drive home.
We learned about attachment. We learned that our child will have a special attachment with us because we will love and nurture him/her and give him/her roots and family values that will last a life time. Just because we did not birth our child, they will love us the same because we created a stable family for them to thrive in. I think hearing that really helped our emotional states around the whole attachment issue we had in the back of our minds.
Our in class assignment was to write down our answers to a few questions…
*What is our plan for tomorrow?
*Where do we plan to be in 1 year? Who will you have by your side?
*Where do we plan to be in 5 years? Who will be by your side?
So we wrote down our heartfelt answers, and she took our papers and ripped them up! I was like WTH??? LOL
The purpose of this assignment was to show us even though we have a plan in mind, something can change that in an instant…I thought it was really nice that she mentioned, that she was sure we all thought we would be birth parents etc…and our fertility changed our path. This does not mean that we will loose our dream of having a child/family, we will just have to do it another way.
We got our reference sheet, so we picked our references and they should get a letter in the next 6 months or so.
(firstname.lastname@example.org)Tue, 30 Mar 2010 13:59:08
LOL On ripping your plans up! She is so right plans have to change all the time. Praying the baby/Child meant for your arms arrives soon!
(email@example.com)Tue, 30 Mar 2010 14:52:41
How true about how plans change - huh? I am so glad to be reading this right along your journey - thanks for sharing it with us!
Been a while - 4/17/2010
I have felt the need to blog all week, and finally just got a minute to sit down and write...
PRIDE on Monday was a really good class...We spoke mostly of attachment and how a child can form attachment...Our class seems to be very quiet and not talk a lot, I think the instructors are trying to get us all a little more involved...I have never been comfortable talking in a big group, let alone with people I do not know and dealing with a sensitive subject....Our homework this week is to make a family genogram...which is like a family tree...We are supposed to write how our families have shaped us, and I think it will be harder for Aaron with his whole parental situation...
I was speaking with a very good girlfriend of mine the other day and I expressed that I was not comfortable blogging about PRIDE anymore or our IF journey, because a comment I wrote offended a few, which was not my intention...and she told me I should still blog, and if I did not want to blog, I should buy a journal to write down my thoughts and feelings because this is a journey we will only experience once and I should write down what I am feeling, kind of like when people are pregnant they keep a pregnancy journal. I think I might take her up on that idea and start a personal journal, my fear with that is, I always jump into it with great intentions and never finish the journal or keep up to date with it. Sometimes it is easier to jump on the computer and write away...maybe I just have to stop worrying what other people think of me and DH....I think that should be my new new years resolution...
(no email)Sun, 18 Apr 2010 10:06:41
I say keep blogging!!! How could you offend anyone doing this? It's your own thoughts and feelings, and they must have feelings too! I think it is a good way to get a lot of feelings out, and if they don't like it they don't have to read it!! xo <3
(no email)Tue, 20 Apr 2010 13:45:26
As a regular reader of your blog and someone who is considering adoption as a way to build a family I don't think you should stop blogging. I always look forward to reading about your opinions and experiences on Adoption. This is your blog, a record of your thoughts and feelings! People always have a choice, if they don't like what you have to say, they don't have to read!
FINALLY Made it to Guelph 4/18/2010
It is wonderful how a few people can change your life...
When Denise and I started talking it was shortly after they adopted Adrien...I started asking her a few questions and I felt so comfortable, and it just felt right, our friendship...She came over one night to speak with DH and I about adoption and CAS...we felt empowered after meeting her and her son.
Last night we finally made it up to Guelph and got to meet her DH and her Mom...What a wonderful family. Seeing them makes Aaron and I move forward with our adoption and keep on going...They give us strength that I am not sure they know they give us.
They will always hold a special place in our hearts...They are the reason we moved forward with adoption.
I can not believe we are half way through our PRIDE course.
We went to PRIDE #4 on Monday. This class was about loss. It really was a good class, best one so far...we will take so much from this class, even in regular life, and put it to use.
We had a new teacher this week, and she was amazing. She is an adoption social worker. I think she really got the class involved, and acknowledged we have experienced a lot of loss as well. Biggest one, our fertility. She said "I bet you never thought you would be sitting here, you probably all thought you would get pregnant, and had a picture in your mind of what your child would look like. I felt like screaming "YES" that is us!! She brought it to our attention that the child we will adopt will be going through a loss as well, loss of his/her birth parents and the loss of his/her foster parents. We spoke about how the child could act when they are going through a loss, and it would be the same as an adult, but children do not really understand the emotions they are having, so to keep an eye on them, and we will always be able to call the agency if we have any questions.
I got to thinking about loosing the picture of Aaron's and mine child. I always had a picture in my mind of getting pregnant, giving birth, breastfeeding etc. I have to change my thinking that we will still have that family, it will just come another way. As the classes move forward, and we hand in more information for our home study, it gets more real. We even went to Babies R US on Sunday. Just to look around, see what we liked etc. It is hard, we hope to have a very young child, so what we will need will be different then what we would have bought if I gave birth. We basically went to get a good idea of how much to budget for our child. WOW. The stroller I want, Peg Skate, is $799.00. I do not think I have ever seen Aaron's eyes get so big, I think he had a mild heart attack. We also really like the Britax Stroller, and it was so nice too, looked so much like a Peg and it was $199.00, reg $249.00. It was just exciting to be able to know, this is happening, and something good will come at the end. Dreaming...it is so nice. It just made my day that Aaron and I got to share that.